Friday, September 6, 2013

Butt-zitskies be gone!

6 Reasons why butt pimples are more than just a pain in the a**

1. You don't find out about them until you scrape the pimple with your finger in the shower or wipe it with a scratchy wad of un-quilted toilet paper. Then when you scream, you are in a compromising position when someone runs to check on you.

2. You can't look at it without contorting your body in other compromising positions with the use of a large mirror. Then you may get the idea to use a smart phone or other recording device so you can take a picture and show your significant other because you don't want him/her actually LOOKING at your butt boil.

3. There is absolutely NO way for you to pop that whitehead pustule or squeeze the offending blackhead without engaging in yet another compromising position. However, you will need a partner in crime to help you because you simply do not have enough hands or dexterity to hold your position and try to pop it.

4. No matter how much your partner in crime loves and adores you, he/she really doesn't want to look at your crater and he/she most certainly does not want to touch, squeeze, poke or extract anything from that abscess. And goodness knows, never bring a needle within 4 inches of a bare bum please.

5. You will never find the situation as funny as they will nor prevent them from 'cracking' jokes.

6. Then when the procedure is through, you have this humongous red sore in your crack. No one wants to kiss the boo-boo and that band-aid with Angry birds on it just looks ridiculous.