Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Unexpected

I got a call today from the clinic that was keeping our remaining embryos. They shipped them off to the agency where we will be donating them for adoption.

I started the process months ago and I was just waiting for the agency to pick them up. It was a tough decision when we made it and every once in a while I think about it. I contemplated changing my mind and keeping them "just in case" we wanted more children down the road. Hubby is done. I on the other hand could do with another set of twins. That is the emotional, motherly side of my brain wishing that. The practical side of my brain says we simply cannot handle any more kids financially.

When I got that call, a wave of sadness washed over me. It made it so final. These are no longer my "babies." Whatever becomes of them, I have no say so.

While I was putting Sam to bed tonight, I kissed him just a little more than usual, hugged him just a little tighter. Lord, I love those kids. But I know I made the right decision. There are so many couples trying to have a family of their own and this is a little bit of hope we can give to them. Knowing that we could help a couple complete their family helps reaffirm my choice. But I can still be a little sad tonight.

2 comments:

Lady Lore said...

I have bookmarked your site so I don't lose it again >_<

That was a wonderful (albeit hard) thing you did. And probably one of the most selfless (or has close as you can get) acts that I have read in a long time.

Kari @ A Giveaway Addicted Mommy said...

You are so incredibly brave and giving. I have tears in my eyes, ok - now tears streaming down my freshly made-up face, as I can feel your pain.
Giving you a big hug.