Friday, June 7, 2013

Desperately seeking children

I got an email this morning from the agency where I donated our embryos stating a couple was interested in adopting them. I immediately starting crying. A really hard cry. I cried for the lost opportunity to give Sam and Dean siblings. I cried because these embryos are no longer ours. I cried because I will no longer fulfill my dream to have more kids. And I cried for the finality of our infertility journey.

I remember the heartache of infertility. Years and years of trying followed by so much disappointment. Then we were lucky to have been involved in an infertility study. God truly blessed us and we became parents to our amazing boys.

I know what this couple is going through and I know the decision to adopt was not one come by lightly. Just as my decision to donate was an internal struggle.

I went back to my post where we made the decision to donate.  It was short and to the point. And as I recall my sadness and what I felt at that time, the sadness I feel now has a silver lining.

I read the information on the recipient family and their letter to the donor family. They are a biracial couple, the husband is Caucasian and the wife is Chinese. They have been dealing with infertility for 8 years with many medical treatments and IUI and IVF cycles. They are successful professionals who are involved with their church, community, friends and their large extended family. And then I cried even more.

I cried because this couple is us. They love their family, they value good friends and they believe in helping others. They can provide for any children that may come of this adoption. They will nurture and care for them and love them just as much as we love our boys. I cry happy tears because if this couple can get even a tiny percentage of joy that we have gotten from these kids, they will have a lifetime of happiness.