I don't know about other folks but as I have gotten older, I go through life hoping I am making the best of it. I want to make good decisions, especially for my family. I want to be a good person, a loving wife and a nurturing mother. I have high standards and I think, a good moral compass. I hope that the people I meet, I have touched their lives in a positive way.
But the reality is, I am not the best person I can be. I have a terrible temper, a potty mouth and I get irritated by inconsiderate people. Truth is, I can't stand stupid people and since stupid is highly subjective, that could describe a great deal of people on a bad day. I yell at my kids because I have no patience with their childlike behavior. And yes, I realize they are toddlers and only acting as toddlers should act but you recall, I have high standards. I expect my children to sit quietly, eat what I put in front of them, play together without fighting and to follow my directions without back talk. Ok, maybe I am slightly delusional.
I want o be a good role model, not just to my kids but to all the people in my life. I want to help people any way that I can. There is a person in my life who reminds me of me when I was in my twenties. She's head strong, a hard worker, kind, loyal and driven. Beautiful and smart too, yes just like me. When I talk to her about her life, it is like a deja vu. Even her newly wed husband could be a younger version of Rod. She stresses about everything. She is pregnant and that adds to her stress about money and how she will be able to balance work and life.
At work, I put her in charge of a large project. At first she was unsure of herself but she came through. Whenever she had issues dealing with other employees, I would coach her on how to handle tough situations. She recently had another set back. She thinks her hormones and the increased stress of work and life are affecting her ability to handle situations calmly and with a level head. Again, I talked to her about how to handle tough situations. I like to keep work and personal life separate but somehow, she weaseled her way in. I think it is because I see so much of myself in her that I want to be a mentor for her. I was fortunate to have good people guide me in my work life and I wanted to pay it forward.
She came over to help with the boys this weekend. I was going to take Dean to the clinic for croup but decided against it. We ended up playing with the kids, taking a nap and having a late lunch. She talked to me about her family, the hardships her mom, her sisters and she herself faced. And these are some really hard core hardships. The kind of stuff that affects you physically, emotionally and mentally and stays with you the rest of your life. Such terrible hardships that if you do not have the strength to climb your way out of that pit of despair, you would be lost forever. Sadly, I related to one such horrible hardship and I told her how I got through it. I gave her my opinion, some advice and information on where to go to find help.
One thing about her, she is sincere in her gratitude and appreciation for the help I have given her. She even told me I should be a public speaker or a school counselor because I have so much knowledge and wisdom and am such a good speaker. As I reread that sentence, I sound as if I am bragging or blowing my own horn. But that is the gist of what she said to me. When she spoke those words, I looked at her incredulously, like she must me high on prenatal vitamins or fishing for a raise. But she was serious.
It made me think about how I got to this place. Do I have all the answers? Most definitely not. But I do have the benefit of almost 38 years of life experience, the good, the bad and the ugly. I have been in that pit and found the strength within to pull myself out. I have been amazed at my own perseverance.
I have been fortunate to have wonderful people in my life to help me become who I am. Everyone I come in contact with has left an impression, whether is has been good or bad, it has shaped me. So I thank you, friends, family and foe of my past , present and future, for helping me be all I can be.
1 week ago