What kind of Asian are you?

The kind that will karate chop yo ass into next Tet, haiku you to death and ask if you want quick set gel as part of your manicure.

If only they asked me to do this video. She's an Asian after my own heart.

Outtakes

Actors read real comments from What Kind of Asian Are You?

If you are offended, "What the Pho?!!"

RPG your way to romance

Parental advisory: This post deals with "relations" and ways to spice up your relationship/marriage with the use of role playing. Although I am not referring to Dungeons and Dragons type games, this post may contain graphic images. Of a big nerd in costume.

So it's Valentine's weekend and if you have not already made plans, you might be scrambling to figure out what to do for your honey. One thing that is relatively inexpensive, especially if you already have the supplies and costume, is role playing. You can raid your Halloween closet or cut up old clothing to create a character. Wigs are an added bonus.

Get with your spouse or significant other and come up with your character and scene to act out. You can go solo on the planning and surprise your mate but if you jump out the closet in a Freddy Krueger costume or a Friday the 13th mask, you may not get the response you are looking for and have a good chance of killing the mood.

You don't necessarily have to hooch it up either to get in the mood. As you can see from the images below,t I have an arsenal of sexy Star Wars attire.

This is the bounty hunter and the helpless Princess in hiding scenario:


This the angry "makeup relations" scenario


I don't have any words to explain this:


Here are some resources to help you get started

10 Suggestions for Themed Role plays to Spice up Your Bedroom

Spice Up Your Marriage With Role Play

Role Playing Ideas to Spice up your Sex Life in a Marriage

Spice Up Your Marriage With Role-Playing Check this one out, it even gives you dialogue for role playing. I suggest steering clear of Dieting Customer and Pizza Delivery Guy, no matter how hot your man may look in a Domino's shirt.

Who's Afraid of Vagina Wolf-dog?

I heard this on the radio this morning and could not believe my ears. If a dog attacked my vajayjay, you can better believe it WOULD be castrated after I got through with it. No more making love for that dog!

Do you BTFE?

I am a collector. Rod uses the term pack rat. Whatever you call it, I think it is OCD. Well, maybe I wouldn't call it hoarder. They have shows about and non of those people seem grounded in reality.

One of the things I collect are Box Tops For Education points.




Registered schools with grades K-8 can get money for supplies. When I first noticed these things many years ago, I thought they were like the Betty Crocker points where you can send in for merchandise. When I found out what they were, I really didn't see a point in collecting them. I had no kids. I had friends that had kids but that is not a topic that comes up often. "Hey, I collect BTFE. Do you BTFE?"

Within the last year, I have been a mad collector. When I see products with extra tops, I dig through my coupon book to see if I can get it. I get mad if Rod throws away any containers without checking for tops. He already thinks I am crazy so what is one more fanatical behavior? But it benefits other people. It would be entirely unacceptable if I was crazy for selfish reasons but collecting tops is for the greater good. I like being of use and being helpful to people.

The kids are only in daycare and it will be several years before they start kindergarten so I am not collecting for them yet. But when the kids start school, it is going to be a BTFE mad house up in here. I donate them to friends. My friend's children really like taking them to school because they get recognized by the teachers for contributing to the school. If you don't collect BTFE, I would encourage you to do so. Use an old yogurt cup on the counter to collect the tops. If you have school aged kids, have them turn them in. If you don't have school aged kids, donate them to friends or put them on Freecycle.org. You would be doing good my being a collector.

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Dean got his first official hair cut at a salon on Saturday. He has his momma's hair because it grows fast. I would trim his bangs to keep them out of his eyes but within two weeks, it would be back in his eyes. I tried to cut his side burns too. The back ended up so much longer and he had a baby mullet. Seriously. It was all business in the front and all party in the back.

This is Dean's sideburns before any cuts.




This is Dean after I trimmed his sides.



He was mad. And squirmy. That is a combo that makes it very hard to cut hair. You see that look. That is a poison dagger look if I ever saw one.

A friend of mine took her boys to Pigtails and Crewcuts where kids cuts are $17.95. I thought that was just crazy. I mean I pay $6.99 with a coupon for my haircuts at Great Clips. How can I pay more than double for my toddler's hair cut?

Dean's hair grows like weeds and it started getting long again. I tried yet again to cut Dean's hair and when one side ended up longer than the other, I resigned myself to let the professionals take over. Off the Pigtails and Crewcuts we went. This place is colorful. There was a back room with tables for coloring and you can have parties there. They sell toys and hair accessories. Kids have so much to preoccupy them so they are not aware of any impending hair doom. They had firetruck and taxi shaped barber chairs. If I was a kids, I would love going to this place. But the second we place Dean in the firetruck he started screaming. I sat him in my lap in a regular chair and gave him a sucker to distract him. Screaming. We tried getting him to look in the mirror but he just kept looking at the lady cutting his hair. Louder screaming. Rod put Dean in his lap. More screaming. Some due to hair getting on his sucker. But mostly because we were trying to keep his head still. I put him back in my lap. There was so much hair and snot. I felt bad for him because he was so scared. The lady who cut his hair (Jessica?) finally got to a point where she couldn't get any more done. It will be a long time before Dean gets another cut. I sure hope toddler dreadlocks come in style soon.

This is Dean the entire 15 minutes it took to cut his hair.



This is Sam the happy clam. He escaped the clippers. This time.



We got checked out and Rod gave a great tip. We decided that being a stylist to tots is not an easy job. It ranks up there with pediatric dentist and the nurse who gives shots.

As we were leaving, there was a trunk of toys for kids to dig through when the deed was done. Now you know if a place has a treat trunk that whatever happens there, it can't be good. Remember the dentist? Yep, they had treat trunks. But you would be amazed at the power of a little plastic slinky, foam rings and stickers can do to calm a hysterical toddler.

Daddy's Day Care

There are 3 teachers in the boy's older one's day care class. Their names all begin with an A. I always thought that was funny. When I picked them up from school today, Miss Amber said that they can say April and Ashley. They just need to say Amber. I tried saying all the names in the car to see of the boys would repeat them. They are so good at repeating words now. When I told Rod that we were teaching Dean and Sam to say the teacher's names, he repeated all the names and then said it sounded like a porn movie for Daddy's Day Care.

Sometimes I wonder if I picked the right gene pool for my offspring.

The Girl Next Door

We have new neighbors. I dread seeing the for lease sign go up every time someone moves out of that house. The first owner was some guy that worked for Ryland homes. He was never home. One day Rod looked over the fence and there were piles and piles of trash bags in his back yard. No wonder he never put the trash bins out for pickup. It was gross not to mention unsanitary. I almost called the HOA on him. But he moved out and left his place trashed. You would think it was an apartment the way he left crap in his house. We looked in his windows. Disgusting.

Ever since then, there have been numerous people in and out of that house. I dread it. One family had kids that would have their dog bust through a broken board in the fence and run around in our yard. I came home one day and their little punk kid was playing with our sprinkler and turning it on. He was clever. When I started walking to their house to tell the mom that her child was messing with our sprinkler, he ran ahead of me to get in the house. Then he lied when his mom, who was on the cell phone, asked if he was "messin' with the lady's sprinkler." Of course he said no.

Then there was the family with teeny bopper cheerleaders for kids. I think they invited the entire pep squad to come over to jump on their trampoline and recite cheers. I had my own glee club next door.

We saw a giveaway sign from some church planted in the front yard right after the teeny bopper tramps (you know, because they jumped on the trampoline) moved out. We thought the owners were giving away the house in a raffle. I met "C" this weekend. She was outside chatting with Rod's friend. She introduced herself, her tween son and said her other kid was sleeping in the car. She is petite. And divorced. And cute. And very nervous because she was certainly chatty.
She is very involved in her church, hence the giveaway sign, which I was disappointed to find out it was not for the house. I would totally use it for storage. But she is having bible study at the house this weekend.

Rod met her while he was taking the boys for a walk. I asked him what he thought of her. Without hesitation, he said she looked like a hooker and had big boobs. I never noticed her boobs because I only saw her at night working in the yard. She seems really nice so I don't want to judge her by her bra size. I think I will only worry when Rod starts going to Bible study.

Slutty Days

Really? Is nothing sacred? Why must companies take a beloved show with fun characters and turn it into a freak show? What am I talking about?

Adult Sesame Street Costumes

Big bird as a fuzzy flapper dress with thigh high stockings and hooker heels? And what about that ridiculous hat? What money hungry executive at Sesame Street authorized this licensed product?

Want to see what costumes are popular this year?
See top selling costumes 2010 or costume ideas for women in 2010. I see a whore-able trend.

Will you be my BFF4ever?

I'm on Facebook. Not a lot. But I will check in at least every other day. There was a honeymoon phase when I first joined and I took quizzes and posted pictures and wrote on walls and added friends. I was high on this new form of social networking, getting in touch with old friends while still in my underwear. Nothing perverse, just thinking about comfort. Months later, my wall updates are down to maybe once a week. I don't play Mafia Farms, I don't take quizzes and I have less than 100 friends.*

Which may be a good thing because I have come to the conclusion that I am a horrible Facebook friend. Which depresses me even more, because I am a horrible real life friend. I used to call people and write letters and was awesome at remembering birthdays and would send cards. But now, I can't remember anyone's birthday. With Facebook, I am even more reminded that I suck at Facebooking. There are REMINDERS for friend's birthdays and I manage to still forget.

So if I forget to acknowledge your birthday or your children's birthday, if I don't RSVP to your cat's spaying party event, if I don't post a response to your funny updates, if I don't accept your heart gifts or smack you with a virtual pillow, if I don't offer to water your green clover garden or feed your goats and if I don't help you forge more weapons to fight off a Minato-Kai sponsored hit, it is NOT because I don't love you or value you as a friend. It's because I suck at Facebook.

How to suck at Facebook

* I am like Oprah this way, except without the Stedman and the trillions of dollars in my bank account. My circle of friends is tight, tight, tight.

Family costumes

Rachael Ray talked about this site on one of her episodes and I have been cracking up preusing this site. I just never thought I could get Halloween costume ideas from that site.

Inspired by Lord of the Rings

Ninja without the pirates

Long time no see. Wanna ketchup?

Walk like an Egyptian

Lost in space

Momma the Pooh

Rod didn't think it was funny when I told him his Eeyore costume would be here in time for Halloween.


5 Minutes for Mom is giving away a kid's cotume from Pedal Cars and Retro collectibles. I would get the pirate costume in size 2/3 or maybe the ninja. They would look so dangerous. But in a cute way.

Firstable

I am no grammar Nazi but there are times when something just sticks in my craw. I recently received an email from a person at the au pair agency. She started off the email with Firstable. When I read it, I thought it was addressed to someone named Firstable, then as I was reading it I realized she meant first of all. I figured since English was not her native tongue, her grammar could lean more on the phonetic side if she was sounding out words to spell.

Then I read a blog from someone who clearly knew the English language but started off her blog with Firstable. I had to Google it because maybe it was a new Internet word that popped up in the last few years and I was just not savvy enough or hip enough to know what that was.

Nope, it is just another word commonly misheard and misspelled.

Seriously? That is such a simple phrase, I cannot understand how people can just make up a word. Firstable, look it up folks and spell it right! Sheesh!